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Sat, Dec. 11th, 2004, 12:02 am
bobbylovesbobby: (no subject)

I love KFC. Especially the nuggets, no one makes nuggets like KFC. Man they make malnutritioned chickens taste good!

Fri, Apr. 30th, 2004, 12:01 am
windycitylover: Because I promised I'd write more in here...

Three related things (one not from KFC):

Drive-thru Jesus saleswoman:

Me: Hello, welcome to KFC, my name is ****, may I take your order?
Lady: Sure, I'd like three strips and a biscuit.
Me: Okay, that's (price), please drive up.
Lady: Hi, my name is Michelle, what's your name? (in really sweet, angelic voice from now on)
Me: My name is **** (thinking, hey, didn't I already tell her?).
Lady: That's good, Jesus loves you, did you know that?
Me: Yeah, whatever.
Lady: What's your name again?
Me: Satan.
Lady: Jesus loves you, Satan. Do you want to go to Heaven with Jesus, young man?
Me: No, lady, I'm not interested, that's (price).
Lady: Ok, here is the money, and here's something about our savior, Jesus (hands me a pamphlet about Jesus)
Me: Here's your food and your change, have a wonderfully satanic day.
Lady: (in completely normal voice) Could I have some barbecue sauce?
Me: Sure. Here. (gives it to her)/
Lady: (back to angelic voice) Thank you, god bless you, have a nice day.

What the fuck is that? It's like she was fucking posessed or she had MPD and she was switching between personalities all of a sudden... Scary shit.

 

Dine-In Jesus Church Recruiter (different person)

Lady: Hi, **** (reads my name from my name-badge)
Me: Hello, whatever your name is. (Yeah, I'd say that a lot. I hate them knowing my name without me knowing theirs.)
Lady: My name is **** (for her protection). When was the last time you've been to church?
Me: I don't know, when I was 12? (I'm between 16 and 18 at this time)
Lady: Gosh, that's a long time ago. Why did you stop going?
Me: It bored me.
Lady: Have you ever been to Rock Church? It's fun an exciting! It's not like a normal church! THey have a real band that plays songs about Jesus and God, and people don't dress up to go to it. You should come!
Me: (quietly) sounds like a fucking cult.
Lady: What was that?
Me: Would you like to order something?

 

And the unrelated to KFC story, but staying on the topic of selling Jesus...

I'm walking through a Barnes and Noble Bookstore, and I stop in the metaphysical section (I'm not sure why) for a second. I'm wearing a Mephiskapheles "God Bless Satan" tour shirt and standing there thinking about something... Up walks this lady and she goes "Hi, would you like this book mark?" I said to her "Not particularly, I have enough book marks at home." And she says to me "But this one was signed by Jesus." And sure enough, she handed it to me, and there was a signature on it, in ball-point pen... And it said "Love, Jesus." I said to her "I wasn't aware that they had ball-point pens in the Roman Empire. She said to me "Jesus loves you, "and we walks away. Insane.

 

And tomorrow, I'll post a story that's related to food-service work, but didn't happen at KFC.

Sat, Mar. 20th, 2004, 10:13 pm
summoner_ashli: Ugh!

Why do people get so pissed when KFC discontinues something? Ugh! It makes me so mad, because they act like it's MY fault that we don't have their stupid ass Honey BBQ Wings, or their Popcorn Chicken, or the chicken littles anymore! Fuckin' EXCUSE me that KFC gets new promotional shit all the time, and it's MY fault that they change it, like I have any control of the stuff that KFC changes. I have somebody get upset or pissed about us not having something everyday, but this had to be one of my most hilarious encounter with a customer:

I'm doing drive-thru, and the lady comes up to the window and orders 7 Honey BBQ Wings. We discontinued them last month, and this is the dialogue I encountered with her:

Me: "Thank you for choosing KFC! My name is Ashli, I can take your order whenever your ready!"
Customer: "YA I WANT 7 HONEY BBQ WINGS."
Me: "I'm sorry, we actually discontinued them, we no longer have them."
Customer: "WHAT! Why did you discontinue them! You can't depend on ANYTHING ANYMORE. HAVE PITY ON MY SOUL. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME. I LOVED THOSE! THEY WERE A PERFECT SET, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MESS UP MY LIFE???"
Me: "....Well, we have BBQ Strips?"
Customer: *HACK HACK, COUGH GRUNT FART* "YA HOW MUCH ARE THOSE?"
Me: "They're a dollar a piece, so you can get three...."
Customer: "FOR THREE DOLLARS! YA! WHATEVA! I'LL TAKE THOSE, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me: "Go ahead pull forward. Thanks."

Ugh! It makes me so mad though, because they give you such attitudes, and I even got called a bitch for not having something! My god! Do people get pleasure in treating others like crap or what???

Sat, Feb. 7th, 2004, 01:12 pm
summoner_ashli: (no subject)

Hey everybody! New here! Glad there's a community I can outlet my frustration of KFC and shit out!

Well, I've been working at KFC for about 6 to 7 months now, and I must say, ITS HORRIBLE. I hate chicken, mashed potatoes, baked beans, mac and cheese, and biscuits. I hate it all! Sickness!

So, does all the KFCs I wonder have the "Champs Check"? We here in the northwest have the "Champs Check" and they are so butt ass annoying. Ufg.

So in general, does everybody like their job or hate it? Cuz I really don't like mine. But hey, it's money, and I'm only 16, so what can I do. Gotta pay some bills and whatnot.

I normally work drive-thru, which I perfer much more than the front counter. I'm not exactly sure why! I just see it easier or something.

Well, I'm off to work in 3 hours! :) Hope you all have a terrific day!

Thu, Jan. 29th, 2004, 03:00 am
windycitylover: Since I promised some more stories...

My Second Day of Work (As a sixteen year-old employee of Kentucky Fried Chicken)

      Ok, so the first day went fine, and the second was going pretty well, too. Yeah, until 9:58 when the worst customer ever came into the store. Why? Because he expected, at two minutes until closing, that we would have everything he wanted ready for him. After figuring out we didn't, he demanded that we cook it. And we couldn't do that, because we have to cook too much chicken for it to be worth the shitty two-piece meal that he wanted. So, now that it's about five minutes-past ten (hey, we're supposed to be closed) he starts mouthing off about how lazy all of the employees are, starts making racial slurs, and then demands to have all of our first and last names so he can report us for our "rude service."

      Well, my mother had come inside to ask me what time I thought I'd be off, and she told the man (who was insane so much that his own wife was NODDING in disgust at his behavior) "Look, maybe they just want to clean up and go home," to which he told my mother "fuck you, bitch." Well, that was enough for me. I jumped up on the counter with a plastic knife and threatened to kill him multiple times before my fellow employees could pull me down. He then wanted my SOCIAL SECURITY number so that he could further identify me. I told him (and my mom agreed) that he'd have to get it off out of my wallet after he killed me, because I was afraid that he'd use it for identity-theft purposes.

      I eventually gave him my name and told him where to meet me after work. Oddly enough, he never showed up, nor did he call the 1-800 number that he had so many times threatened to call. That guy was a dick; I hope that he's dead, too.

Sun, Jan. 18th, 2004, 07:30 pm
windycitylover: This is awesome. hahaha.

      I don't work for KFC any longer, but I did work there from September 1997 until October 1999, and it was hell. I could share plenty of funny and weird stories, but I'm afraid I don't have much time right now, so I'll post a quick one and be gone.

      Reading through the community "interests" I noticed "angioplasty" as well as many others relating to health issues that could arise from eating the "food" which KFC sells. This reminded me of this one man who came to KFC every Tuesday and Thursday and ordered the two-breats-and-one-wing meal in Extra Crispy with two sides of macaroni and cheese and a three margarine packets for his biscuit.

      Obviously, from the description I gave above, you can tell that there is a large amount of "negative" stuff in this meal, which is fine if that's what you want to eat. However, the customer in question did not need anymore of this in his diet. He walked in every Tuesday and Thursday with a walker, weighing in around four-hundred pounds, and dragging behind him a heart monitoring machine.

      Obviously,  taking one look at this man, you'd know that he did not need to be eating extra crispy fried chicken, tons of butter-like material and cheese-covered pasta. However, this is what he ordered every time he came in, which was always twice a week. And how did the man order it? With a bitchy attitude, like I was his slave. I couldn't help but make a wish everytime I saw him, a wish that his heart would fucking explode already, because I was certain it was close.

And one day, he just stopped coming in. I'm hoping that he died.

Sat, Jan. 17th, 2004, 02:43 am
liberated_mind: The prolifery of this box is exceptional. Unprecedented sales!

EVERY FAT JOBLESS 3 CHINNED NO NECK DOUBLE BELLY CHEESE FAT ASS BITCH in the city came by today for a box of grease! I handled it well at first, but they just kept coming and coming and coming and coming. We made 2 thousand dollars in under 6 hours, with just 5 people on the clock. I started cooking at 10:50 and didnt get a break from it until nearly 2. No matter how much I cooked it wasnt enough because these fat ass slobs with no jobs just kept coming and ordering half the got-dang menu!!!!!

There are several things Id like to know.

First of all, Ive never seen anything sell like that. Whether it be food, animal, mineral, or vegetable.
Ive never seen so many people so gaga over a simple product. And yes, I was working for K-mart during the Tickle-me-Elmo phase, at CHRISTMAS time, and even the the rude abusive soccer moms wanting Elmo for their little suzy werent as gaga over that stuffed animal as they were today for this chemically altered MSG chicken!! You shoulda seen em getting pissed off over it too. It reminded me of when we learned about the 49ers in the 1800s in history class, running to California to find gold! Only in this case, the 49ers were fat lazy house wives in SUVs spending their husbands paycheck on toxic chicken! They were fighting to get in the door, and there were nearly several wrecks in the parking lot, to see who could get their box of grease the fastest! EAT YOU FAT FUCKS! EAT! You think my gold rush comparison is funny? Well, it was just like that! Seriously! Instead of Conestoga wagons, we had SUVs and Vans rushing towards 12th and Alameda!

1) 50% of our customers are middle aged women in vans and SUVs
2) 30% of our customers are old-man-Clyde no younger than 80
3) The remaining 20% of our customers are rude, redneck hillbillies with no job

The prolifery of that box of grease is astonishing. Taking an even closer look, the almighty chicken strip is what us poor KFC employees refer to as none other than "God."

Would someone please tell us what is so great about a got-dang chicken strip??? We sell chicken strips at exponential rates. Are fat, lazy, jobless americans so ... LAZY.. that they cant eat chicken off the bone??? Well, on an average day we will sell 10 chicken strips to every peice of chicken on the bone. 10:1 ratio. INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!! There are some days the chicken on the bone sits in the window getting cold and hard, while the chicken strips cant be cooked fast enough.

People act like they're the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ. Gold on a rack.

The proper procedure for cooking this trash is 3 racks, no more than 12 strips on a rack. Well, I was cooking them SIXTEEN RACKS at a time today and still barely keeping up!!!!!!!!!

It was so prolific.

Well, I got some interesting news for ya's. We are on our 3rd strike with the health department. We have one week to clean that shit hole up and get rid of the roaches, or else...... GUESS WHAT????????????? I might be out of a job, but it will make my whole life worth it to see all those fat fuckers DENIED of their fried chicken. Thats right.... Norman's east side will not have a KFC. The health department is fixin' to shut us down.

You know what I think? I think when this happens, there will be a town outcry. There will be bloodshed on the grounds of the Cleveland county health department.

Remember MTV's slogan in the 80s? I WANT MY MTV!
Well, when we get shut down next week, the normanites will be in front of the health department screaming: I WANT MY BOX OF GREASE!!